love and loss

it's quite hard for me to write this but i feel that i need to. to vent. to share the experience. to let those who have experienced or are experiencing the same thing that you are not alone. and yes, maybe to assure myself that i am not alone. 

this beach trip was 2 weekends ago and i should be almost 3 months pregnant by that time or i should have been. yes, i am saying with a constantly aching heart, that we lost the baby. 

we spent such a short time with the knowledge that i was carrying a little one but it really doesn't make the pain any lesser. the moment we saw those two lines, immense love washed over us like you wouldn't believe. it was a short pregnancy but the devastation still shattered me. shattered us. is still shattering us. 

it is quite common for first pregnancies to end up in a miscarriage but we never really thought it would happen to us. one can't really go into it and expect to experience it. the news of joy was hard to keep especially when we were bursting at the seams. but it did and we fell into the statistic. if not for the assurance and comfort offered by our doctor, i would have continued to blame myself for losing the baby. luckily, we had a really good obstetrician. so no, i didn't stress myself out during the pregnancy. i did not run, jump or did anything physically strenuous. i ate right and did not drink alchohol nor take drugs. the baby's development just ceased to continue. our little blueberry's heart just stopped. whereas others get to keep their baby despite attempting to terminate their pregnancy by doing physically strenuous things, we did things right and still lost our little one. 

it has been a month since we suffered the loss and we have no choice but to move forward. to look ahead and hope for better days. i have to say, it is quite scary being back at one, knowing that it took us almost a year to successfully conceive. but right now, i am hanging on to the faith that we are meant to have a little Harry or Gizelle and it will happen soon enough. 

contemplating on staying forever ~ boracay day three

day three of our beach bumming and beer drinking honeymoon vacation in Boracay. we woke up early enough to have breakfast at the resort then immediately proceeded to spend the whole day by the beach. i wish all days can be spent near the water, with the water splashing and i'm just lounging with a book and good music. if only. seriously, on our way home, Harry and i were contemplating staying here for a while and were imagining ourselves getting just about any job we can find in the island and live a simpler life together. *sigh*

pink monokini - props | crochet boho top - props | black denim cut-offs - onyx jeans | peacock sandals - people are people | orange scarf as turban - thrifted | multi-colored knit bag - gifted by sister | oversized sunnies - urban outfitters | bangles and bead bracelets - downtown and bangkok finds

 

the major peril when traveling with just the two of us is that we don't get to take photos together. we didn't bring a tripod and only brought an SLR with a 50mm lens, not a digital camera so it was even more difficult to take photos of ourselves. it took us 3 days to attempt to take photos on a timer and we ended up with a series of blurry photos and my iTouch getting dumped in the sand. thank you to the korean guy who took pity on us and volunteered to take our photo. LOL. 

the beach x rum-spiked shakes ~ boracay day two

day two was spent entirely at the beach, as it should be. we woke up late and missed our free breakfast from Microtel so we had brunch by the sea instead. of course, we started the day with beer matched with a fatty double cheese ham sandwich -- the perils and at the same time joy of a vacation = pigging out. 

while harry took a swim, i spent the rest of the morning until past noon, sitting on the lounge chairs, reading a book and still tuned in to my iPod. that was the perfect morning for me. by 2 in the afternoon, we had massages, compliments of the resort, beside the pool which we wished would last longer. by 4, we walked past the boundary of Diniwid and the beach stations to visit a Estacio Uno to have a quick ocular and meeting with management for a client whose wedding Cuckoo Cloud Concepts will be styling this December. yes! i had to insert a bit of work but it was still fun because the manager was really accommodating and told good stories of his life in the hospitality industry. 

the sunset was still something we looked forward to and we finished the afternoon with a touristy bottle of shake spiked with rum, paired with a chori burger and a longer walk from station 1 to 2 for some heavy dinner. 

floral cutout cropped top - gifted by sister | white denim cut-offs - thrifted | oversized sunnies - urban outfitters | bangles - bangkok finds | bead bracelets - downtown finds | elephant tusk necklace - bangkok find

mismatched bikini - props | blue floppy hat - boracay find | oversized sunnies - urban outfitters

polka dotted bikini top - props | white denim cut-offs - thrifted | striped multi-color knit bag - gifted from sister | blue oversized floppy hat - boracay find | oversized sunnies - urban outfitters | bangles - bangkok finds | bead bracelets - downtown finds

sunset city ~ boracay day one

two of the things i look forward to when visiting Boracay: the awesome i-never-get-sick-of sunset and the beach bohemian culture. Harry initially wanted to go to Palawan for our honeymoon but i asked him to compromise and booked a resort on the farther side of the island, away from the crowd yet still near the amazing beaches of Boracay. 

day one was spent just lounging around, reading a book while waiting for Harry to sleep off his night shift (which he came from before we flew here) and listening to good indie music while experience the amazing sunset. the rest of the night was spent walking on fine white sand -- holding hands of course, looking for good food at the beach stations and discovering Ti Braz which became our day-ender until we left the island. one thing we also realized and became a habit during the stay is that beer is only P20.00 more expensive than water. so naturally, since we were on vacation, we bypassed water and drank beer all day. 

white one-shouldered maillot - nudo swimwear | floral pencil skirt - props | embroidered and beaded sandals - people are people | rainbow knit bag - gifted by sister | elephant tusk necklace (which i lost during the trip) - bangkok find | bangles and bracelets - bangkok and downtown finds

forgive the haggard, make-upless face. this was during the later part of the night. anyway, i realized while preparing this post that i haven't posted any details about our wedding. You can find our bohemian wedding here. hope you guys love it! ♥

unplanned trips make the best adventures

one of the challenges of ensuring a good photo shoot session is finding a good location. i have been finding myself craning my neck during road trips or even short trips to visit a place to look for a good spot to do a photo shoot. i usually sleep during trips as i find being in a vehicle lulling. however, Cebu City is really small and with soon-to-be married couples now investing more on a great engagement sessions, it has become difficult not to have the same location as the other. depending on the skill of the photographer, some common locations can still become different. nevertheless, finding new ones is still part of the highs of a stylist's job. 

last February, in an effort to find new scenery and to cheer up our beach-loving pregnant friend, Mildred -- who is incidentally the wife of Marlon Capuyan, one of the highly talented photographers that Cuckoo Cloud Concepts have frequently collaborated with, we went on an unplanned southern road trip. just a simple text, "let's go to the beach" (cue Nikki Minaj) and an "okay, I'll tell Harry. see you 8:00 AM tomorrow," we were off! certainly, unplanned trips make the best adventures. no expectations, just enjoying things as they come. 

do keep your eyes open for the editorial that we have been working on for the top wedding blog in the country. *palpitations* our hearts and souls have certainly been poured into this endeavor. 

polka dot maillot - cotton on | high-waisted cut-offs - thrifted | knit cover-up - thrifted | black turban - bangkok find | tan fringed bag - urban originals | oversized sunnies - urban outfitters, gifted by sister | bangles - downtown finds | elephant tusk necklace - bangkok find | multi-colored braided belt - borrowed from sister

p.s. my flip-flops is one of those, "omigad, i can't believe i bought this. it looked good with one outfit  but i can't wear it again." and i wore these because the trip was very much unplanned and we literally had ourselves running out the door early in the morning.