hoping this reaches you

on my 15th birthday, i wrote you my wishes. on my party, i was led into our house blind-folded. i opened my eyes to find all my friends there. and the most special person at that time of my life in front of me, holding my birthday cake. my best friend made my wishes come true. i don't know how you found all our childhood friends, but they were all there. and the rest if history.

i know we've grown to be different people 7 years later. with the distance between us, we've been through rough times on our own. with people so different from us. when you left, i always thought the distance would drift us apart. but it only made our friendship stronger. distance cannot cause rifts in friendships, selfishness can. i wasn unhappy for so long that when i found hope in being alive again, i selfishly forgot how i can hurt people's feelings with it. i tried to forget that i will be hurting you. you always said i deserved to be selfish. that was one shitty advice i never should have done to you.

my birthday is nearing and yet i go by the days feeling like i've lost a piece of my puzzle. i lost my soulmate. the only person who understood me. the only person who wouldn't laugh at my dreams. i've always dwelled that maybe time will heal everything. it's comforting to think that it does. but sometimes, time only makes you numb. but still, i'm hoping that someday you would understand. things can never be the same again, i know that. but it wouldn't hurt to start over right?

we lose friends along the way. meet new acquaintances, only to forget them after a couple of weeks. but family can't be lost just like that. best friends cannot be lost in just a whim.

and i'm hoping this gets to you somehow. i don't know how. just know that i'm still here.