on believing again

when a guy will tell her that he will not do the same things the other guys did to hurt her, she hopes she can still believe him..

when a guy will tell her he's sure about what he feels, she hopes she can still believe him..

when a guy will tell her that she makes him smile, she hops she can still believe him..

when a guy will tell her he wants her..
when a guy will tell her he'd defy the consequences..
when a guy will tell her he won't fail her..

she hopes she can still believe him..

Oo | Up Dharma Down

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa aking inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
‘di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
‘di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo
Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

trust | hard lessons learned at 22

2 months ago, i dug a hole that i very well knew i might not get out of. but i continued digging because my selfishness blinded me from seeing that i'm hurting others in the process of pursuiting happiness. i ignored the fact that i'll be hurting people closest to me. i somehow managed to get out of the hole. good thing. i thought i was completely out of it. until it came back to me several days ago. i started slipping. but i was only at the brink. last night, i found out another person was swimming in my own hole. swimming in the shit that i filled it. and by the person i trusted the most.

it all fell into place. i lost restlessness because i knew the answers now. but i never thought the answers would hurt me in the worst possible way. my heart didn't beat. it didn't break when i found out about it. i have come to the worst part of myself, i have become indifferent. and numb.

"i'm not upset that you lied to me. i'm upset that from now on i can't believe you."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

when it starts to creep in

we always want what other people have. OR we think we have what we want -- something we think others don't have. BUT it turns out, what we have is nothing special -- it's just the same as everybody else's. THEN we begin to re-think things. and start to want more.

and it starts to creep in. jealousy. insecurity. anger. the pride gets hurt. and no matter how i shut my eyes, i can't go back to sleep.